Comments on: The Grass Is Always Greener… http://www.52stories.net/issue-113/the-grass-is-always-greener/ Every picture tells a story. What's yours? Fri, 04 Jul 2008 02:36:26 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3 By: Skought http://www.52stories.net/issue-113/the-grass-is-always-greener/#comment-414 Skought Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:04:51 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-113/the-grass-is-always-greener/#comment-414 I think this line “Mary was a professional photographer; she’d made a fine living for herself and her two sons with her skills behind the lens.” Would be more powerful if put “Mary made a fine living for herself and her two sons with her skills behind the camera lens.” More of a show-don’t-tell thing. I like how the barrier to happiness is the same for both characters, and how many possibilities of ‘lessons’ could be taught from a more complete story. I think this line “Mary was a professional photographer; she’d made a fine living for herself and her two sons with her skills behind the lens.” Would be more powerful if put “Mary made a fine living for herself and her two sons with her skills behind the camera lens.” More of a show-don’t-tell thing. I like how the barrier to happiness is the same for both characters, and how many possibilities of ‘lessons’ could be taught from a more complete story.

]]> By: johnRibar http://www.52stories.net/issue-113/the-grass-is-always-greener/#comment-410 johnRibar Sat, 29 Sep 2007 21:07:54 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-113/the-grass-is-always-greener/#comment-410 This is nice. I think a little more would help to tie them together, but there are lots of options for what that might be. As it is, it is a nice, gentle, but touching introduction. I feel enough for both of these characters, that if they are protagonists, I want to know more. Why are they both here at the same time? What will they get from "the other side", either in reality, or in his dreams, for instance. Lots of good ideas to explore. One question. Siella pops in for a quick visit. Was this it? What is the purpose of the visit - just a 10 second view? Can she breathe in the air? Has she been able to stay longer before, in order to learn so much about the beach dwellers? This is mostly a plot question, so doesn't hurt the overall story, but as a reader I wondered why she left so quickly. Really good! Can't wait to see more! This is nice. I think a little more would help to tie them together, but there are lots of options for what that might be. As it is, it is a nice, gentle, but touching introduction. I feel enough for both of these characters, that if they are protagonists, I want to know more. Why are they both here at the same time? What will they get from “the other side”, either in reality, or in his dreams, for instance. Lots of good ideas to explore.

One question. Siella pops in for a quick visit. Was this it? What is the purpose of the visit - just a 10 second view? Can she breathe in the air? Has she been able to stay longer before, in order to learn so much about the beach dwellers? This is mostly a plot question, so doesn’t hurt the overall story, but as a reader I wondered why she left so quickly.

Really good! Can’t wait to see more!

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