Comments on: Entry Fee http://www.52stories.net/issue-112/entry-fee/ Every picture tells a story. What's yours? Fri, 04 Jul 2008 02:43:16 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3 By: DanielleM http://www.52stories.net/issue-112/entry-fee/#comment-405 DanielleM Fri, 28 Sep 2007 01:09:26 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-112/entry-fee/#comment-405 This is a really interesting concept, very scary to think of how the fate of those children lies in the outcome of the chess game. One would expect the Japanese man to lose the game without winning any pieces, though, in which case he's either not being punished enough or else he's not willing to atone for his mistake? I wonder what would happen to him if he lost the game without capturing any pieces at all -- would his punishment be even more severe? And why would the bus driver be made to watch the game I wonder? It seems he made the best decisions he could in the situation, and then having to watch this game decide the life and death of some of those kids must be very painful for him... So I guess this brings up lots of questions in terms of where the story is going (not to mention where the driver and bus driver's souls are going...), but I do think it's a great concept and well told. This is a really interesting concept, very scary to think of how the fate of those children lies in the outcome of the chess game.

One would expect the Japanese man to lose the game without winning any pieces, though, in which case he’s either not being punished enough or else he’s not willing to atone for his mistake? I wonder what would happen to him if he lost the game without capturing any pieces at all — would his punishment be even more severe?

And why would the bus driver be made to watch the game I wonder? It seems he made the best decisions he could in the situation, and then having to watch this game decide the life and death of some of those kids must be very painful for him…

So I guess this brings up lots of questions in terms of where the story is going (not to mention where the driver and bus driver’s souls are going…), but I do think it’s a great concept and well told.

]]> By: James Donald Warrenfeltz http://www.52stories.net/issue-112/entry-fee/#comment-398 James Donald Warrenfeltz Mon, 24 Sep 2007 20:09:27 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-112/entry-fee/#comment-398 This story engaged me immediately - I really enjoy stories of the fantastic. I just read Skought's comment, and I have to agree with the plot holes that he pointed out- but at the same time, I didn't really notice them until he did point them out. I believe that I was willing to ignore logic in service to the story being told, which is a compliment to the intriguing ideas presented. As a story, this piece falls short in the same way that my story fell this week - what conflict and decisions exist in this story's world are external to the story itself, within it there is actually little conflict, just a lot of scene setting and description. It's interesting scene setting and description, but as a stand-alone piece, the story falls short. This story engaged me immediately - I really enjoy stories of the fantastic. I just read Skought’s comment, and I have to agree with the plot holes that he pointed out- but at the same time, I didn’t really notice them until he did point them out. I believe that I was willing to ignore logic in service to the story being told, which is a compliment to the intriguing ideas presented.

As a story, this piece falls short in the same way that my story fell this week - what conflict and decisions exist in this story’s world are external to the story itself, within it there is actually little conflict, just a lot of scene setting and description. It’s interesting scene setting and description, but as a stand-alone piece, the story falls short.

]]> By: Skought http://www.52stories.net/issue-112/entry-fee/#comment-396 Skought Mon, 24 Sep 2007 15:59:57 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-112/entry-fee/#comment-396 I’m not sure I can buy a school bus able to move at the high speeds indicated, but I guess it is possible… “He chewed without pleasure” is telling not showing, where I think it REALLY needs to be the other way around (or I wouldn’t mention it). The chess game is problematic for me too – does the Japanese man not know what is at stake? Does he know his success is killing children? How well would you play the game if you knew that? Wouldn’t he on purpose lose every piece (and thus every play of checkers?) According to the story “A few more children joined them over the next few hours” so the Japanese man killed more? On purpose? I’m not sure I can buy a school bus able to move at the high speeds indicated, but I guess it is possible…
“He chewed without pleasure” is telling not showing, where I think it REALLY needs to be the other way around (or I wouldn’t mention it).

The chess game is problematic for me too – does the Japanese man not know what is at stake? Does he know his success is killing children? How well would you play the game if you knew that? Wouldn’t he on purpose lose every piece (and thus every play of checkers?) According to the story “A few more children joined them over the next few hours” so the Japanese man killed more? On purpose?

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