Comments on: Thanks http://www.52stories.net/issue-111/thanks/ Every picture tells a story. What's yours? Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:47:12 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: DanielleM http://www.52stories.net/issue-111/thanks/comment-page-1/#comment-389 DanielleM Tue, 18 Sep 2007 04:43:17 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-111/thanks/#comment-389 What strikes me is how calm the mother's voice seems here. At first I thought she was maybe too calm in her rememberance of the incident. But then I thought how hard it would be to think of the alternatives, especially now that she knew her children were indeed safe -- perhaps she is forcing herself to be calm for her children, and also for her own sanity. I like how you give the reader a glimpse into how easily she could start to lose that sense of control when she doesn't see Nico in the crowd at the station. Nicely done! Another point of view exercise that might be interesting would be to do it from the point of view of the bus driver in the afterlife... What strikes me is how calm the mother’s voice seems here. At first I thought she was maybe too calm in her rememberance of the incident. But then I thought how hard it would be to think of the alternatives, especially now that she knew her children were indeed safe — perhaps she is forcing herself to be calm for her children, and also for her own sanity. I like how you give the reader a glimpse into how easily she could start to lose that sense of control when she doesn’t see Nico in the crowd at the station. Nicely done!

Another point of view exercise that might be interesting would be to do it from the point of view of the bus driver in the afterlife…

]]> By: johnRibar http://www.52stories.net/issue-111/thanks/comment-page-1/#comment-388 johnRibar Mon, 17 Sep 2007 23:46:32 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-111/thanks/#comment-388 Thanks, Tom! I'll do that as an exercise... one of those things I need to try different ways ;-) Thanks, Tom! I’ll do that as an exercise… one of those things I need to try different ways ;-)

]]> By: tom http://www.52stories.net/issue-111/thanks/comment-page-1/#comment-383 tom Mon, 17 Sep 2007 21:14:18 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-111/thanks/#comment-383 Nice slice of life tale. I’m wondering how this story would read if it were told first-person, by the mother. Nice slice of life tale. I’m wondering how this story would read if it were told first-person, by the mother.

]]> By: Skought http://www.52stories.net/issue-111/thanks/comment-page-1/#comment-374 Skought Mon, 17 Sep 2007 12:56:16 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-111/thanks/#comment-374 I am confused by “truck spraying water to prevent any fires” and “the truck also helped put out the fire.” I am unclear if there was actual fire, although these sentences being from two different perspectives could easily account for the discrepancy. People remember things differently. I like how the fire truck is given personification at the end, having seen the best and worst of life this county can through at it, for it to be content, is to me pretty powerful. Much more and you’d have a children’s style story, and so less is really more here. I am confused by “truck spraying water to prevent any fires” and “the truck also helped put out the fire.” I am unclear if there was actual fire, although these sentences being from two different perspectives could easily account for the discrepancy. People remember things differently. I like how the fire truck is given personification at the end, having seen the best and worst of life this county can through at it, for it to be content, is to me pretty powerful. Much more and you’d have a children’s style story, and so less is really more here.

]]> By: Amy T http://www.52stories.net/issue-111/thanks/comment-page-1/#comment-367 Amy T Sun, 16 Sep 2007 21:34:53 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-111/thanks/#comment-367 Very sweet. Truely something all parent fear. Very sweet. Truely something all parent fear.

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