Comments on: Living the Life http://www.52stories.net/issue-108/living-the-life/ Every picture tells a story. What's yours? Fri, 04 Jul 2008 02:39:54 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3 By: James Warrenfeltz http://www.52stories.net/issue-108/living-the-life/#comment-150 James Warrenfeltz Sun, 02 Sep 2007 01:34:36 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-108/living-the-life/#comment-150 This story pushed it a bit too far for me when his good friend was Jewish- I didn't believe Ahmed as a character because he seemed *too* good, *too* pure. He needed another dimension to become real for me. The structure of the story was good - it quickly raised conflict, and resolved it at the end through the main character's deeds. One thing I didn't believe about the story was the running of the store- New York convenience stores live and die by the morning commuters, and if Ahmed was opening at 9 AM, he would have missed them. He should have had the coffee pots going at 4:30 in the morning- in a story that seems to take place in standard live-a-day reality, getting every detail correct is important - little ones draw people out of the story. This story pushed it a bit too far for me when his good friend was Jewish- I didn’t believe Ahmed as a character because he seemed *too* good, *too* pure. He needed another dimension to become real for me.

The structure of the story was good - it quickly raised conflict, and resolved it at the end through the main character’s deeds.

One thing I didn’t believe about the story was the running of the store- New York convenience stores live and die by the morning commuters, and if Ahmed was opening at 9 AM, he would have missed them. He should have had the coffee pots going at 4:30 in the morning- in a story that seems to take place in standard live-a-day reality, getting every detail correct is important - little ones draw people out of the story.

]]> By: Skought http://www.52stories.net/issue-108/living-the-life/#comment-124 Skought Mon, 27 Aug 2007 15:57:49 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-108/living-the-life/#comment-124 I like the conflict, and everyone knows it’s not over. I like the mix of non-traditional characters and relationships. There are lessons here. The construction of your story is tight, and enjoyable to read. I like the conflict, and everyone knows it’s not over. I like the mix of non-traditional characters and relationships. There are lessons here. The construction of your story is tight, and enjoyable to read.

]]> By: Marcia http://www.52stories.net/issue-108/living-the-life/#comment-113 Marcia Sat, 25 Aug 2007 23:15:22 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-108/living-the-life/#comment-113 nice job...again! nice job…again!

]]> By: Patty http://www.52stories.net/issue-108/living-the-life/#comment-112 Patty Sat, 25 Aug 2007 20:59:40 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-108/living-the-life/#comment-112 Great story!!! You could be making money at this!! I hate having to wait a whole week for the next one. Great story!!! You could be making money at this!! I hate having to wait a whole week for the next one.

]]> By: Glenda http://www.52stories.net/issue-108/living-the-life/#comment-110 Glenda Sat, 25 Aug 2007 18:11:27 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-108/living-the-life/#comment-110 Another great job! The characters become real, you can feel Ahmed's frustration. Please keep the stories coming. Another great job! The characters become real, you can feel Ahmed’s frustration. Please keep the stories coming.

]]>