Comments on: Mightier than the Sword

By: James Warrenfeltz

James Warrenfeltz — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 02:10:28 +0000

This story had details to spare - the character felt real and three dimensional.

However, and it may just be the late (for me) hour of the night that I’m reading this, the story didn’t grab me until he found the bag. Up to that point, I was as sleepy as the narrator, and didn’t feel any particular urgency in reading the next sentence.

After finding the bag, I was drawn into the story, and enjoyed the ending- I don’t know if anyone else felt the same about what may have been a slow start?

By: DanielleM

DanielleM — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 05:20:23 +0000

Great story! I really enjoyed the opening paragraph, you completely feel his sense of confusion after waking abruptly. And his gradual awareness of where he is and why he’s there is such a subtle and moving way to transition to the second half of the story. I do just love happy endings…

By: Skought

Skought — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 15:25:38 +0000

This is my favorite sentence “The silence was a welcome lover, enticing him back into the pleasures of sleep.”

Although overall well written. The detail of making up with sleep is spot on realistic. Good work!

By: Brad S

Brad S — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 02:11:23 +0000

Very emotional and descriptive, allowing revelation without explaination. Very well written.

By: tom

tom — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 13:08:17 +0000

So many terrific details. I can tell you’re a good writer by how well you describe, in a few words, so many emotions:
“Let the bad feelings out, let the good feelings in.” and “the melting wax filled the entry way with tasty aromas of a fruit orchard or a flower garden, depending on her mood.”

You mention cool air a couple of times in the story which makes one think of air outside of a home instead of inside. Perhaps a little foreshadowing - “The old house was drafty, the air damp and cool. . .” would help clarify.

Watch redundancies - “with decades of past baggage dragged into the marriage” instead of just “with decades of baggage” but those are easy fixes. Good story!