Comments on: 21 + 33 0 http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/ Every picture tells a story. What's yours? Fri, 04 Jul 2008 02:38:10 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3 By: James Warrenfeltz http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-105 James Warrenfeltz Sat, 25 Aug 2007 14:24:44 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-105 This story was tight, with a lot of action, yet never got hard to follow- that's a well told tale. Some of the middle stuff - elbowing the guard's temple to knock him out, cutting wires on bombs - some of that seemed a bit unbelievable, like a scene from 24 or a cop drama - ie not how things actually work in real life. However, stories don't always have to work the same as things in real life would, and this story had my attention all the way through. This story was tight, with a lot of action, yet never got hard to follow- that’s a well told tale. Some of the middle stuff - elbowing the guard’s temple to knock him out, cutting wires on bombs - some of that seemed a bit unbelievable, like a scene from 24 or a cop drama - ie not how things actually work in real life. However, stories don’t always have to work the same as things in real life would, and this story had my attention all the way through.

]]> By: tom http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-97 tom Wed, 22 Aug 2007 13:40:04 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-97 Cool story. Had me engaged from the start. You started the story and picked up the action at just the right point. The ending was neatly wrapped up. This kind of tight writing works for stand-alone short stories and would also fit well for TV screenplays - nice job! Cool story. Had me engaged from the start. You started the story and picked up the action at just the right point. The ending was neatly wrapped up. This kind of tight writing works for stand-alone short stories and would also fit well for TV screenplays - nice job!

]]> By: Skought http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-90 Skought Mon, 20 Aug 2007 12:43:58 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-90 And here in comments the PLUS signs aren't coming through...odd. And here in comments the PLUS signs aren’t coming through…odd.

]]> By: Skought http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-89 Skought Mon, 20 Aug 2007 12:43:24 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-89 I see the problem now, the equals sign did not come through. It should read twenty one plus thirty-three EQUALS zero. (21 33=0) as the title. I see the problem now, the equals sign did not come through.
It should read twenty one plus thirty-three EQUALS zero. (21 33=0) as the title.

]]> By: Skought http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-88 Skought Mon, 20 Aug 2007 12:20:48 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-88 21 (age when "Bo") began working 33 years of service = 0 (for dishonorable discharge) 21 (age when “Bo”) began working 33 years of service = 0 (for dishonorable discharge)

]]> By: Brad S http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-87 Brad S Mon, 20 Aug 2007 02:34:23 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-87 I really enjoyed the story and thought that the dialogue flowed well. I find it hard to tell a story through dialogue and will take some pointers from this. I really enjoyed the story and thought that the dialogue flowed well. I find it hard to tell a story through dialogue and will take some pointers from this.

]]> By: John Ribar http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-83 John Ribar Mon, 20 Aug 2007 01:49:27 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-83 Ok, after the comments are done, I need to know the significance of the title. I know, I should try to figure it out. But it's not in my schedule yet... if it's a secret, I'll try to figure it out. Otherwise, which clue should I start with? Ok, after the comments are done, I need to know the significance of the title. I know, I should try to figure it out. But it’s not in my schedule yet… if it’s a secret, I’ll try to figure it out. Otherwise, which clue should I start with?

]]> By: John Ribar http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-82 John Ribar Mon, 20 Aug 2007 01:48:03 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-107/21-33-0/#comment-82 It's hard to nail down things to say when you just like the story, but I'll try to be somewhat objective as well. I really like the way you handled the dialog, especially in the tags. They were few and far between, and you integrated the discussion and action well. I also enjoyed the double use of the clue. Alex is quite the clever one. And the double story line at the start, between the phone call and the new guy stunt. This story was woven together very well. Enough complexity to get it quite interesting, but not so much to cause confusion. Well done! It’s hard to nail down things to say when you just like the story, but I’ll try to be somewhat objective as well.

I really like the way you handled the dialog, especially in the tags. They were few and far between, and you integrated the discussion and action well.

I also enjoyed the double use of the clue. Alex is quite the clever one. And the double story line at the start, between the phone call and the new guy stunt.

This story was woven together very well. Enough complexity to get it quite interesting, but not so much to cause confusion. Well done!

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