Comments on: MayBelle http://www.52stories.net/issue-106/maybelle/ Every picture tells a story. What's yours? Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:53:59 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: James Warrenfeltz http://www.52stories.net/issue-106/maybelle/comment-page-1/#comment-103 James Warrenfeltz Sat, 25 Aug 2007 12:53:26 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-106/maybelle/#comment-103 This story seems to suffer from genre and convention confusion. At one spot in the story, the characters act very real world (Mabel saying "Cool", and her parent's dialog, for the most part). At others, the fairyland stuff is pure fairytale language and rhythm (the beginning of the story, for example). In mixing the two, the reader becomes a bit lost without any external clues (illustrations, etc) that would normally tip them off to the fact that this is a children's tale- so internal clues in the story should, in my opinion, be clearer and more forceful at the beginning. This story seems to suffer from genre and convention confusion. At one spot in the story, the characters act very real world (Mabel saying “Cool”, and her parent’s dialog, for the most part). At others, the fairyland stuff is pure fairytale language and rhythm (the beginning of the story, for example). In mixing the two, the reader becomes a bit lost without any external clues (illustrations, etc) that would normally tip them off to the fact that this is a children’s tale- so internal clues in the story should, in my opinion, be clearer and more forceful at the beginning.

]]> By: Elizabeth http://www.52stories.net/issue-106/maybelle/comment-page-1/#comment-68 Elizabeth Tue, 14 Aug 2007 19:39:58 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-106/maybelle/#comment-68 Such a clever story! Very sweet and enjoyable. Such a clever story! Very sweet and enjoyable.

]]> By: tom http://www.52stories.net/issue-106/maybelle/comment-page-1/#comment-65 tom Mon, 13 Aug 2007 22:05:33 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-106/maybelle/#comment-65 Well, I liked this story! I thought Mabel was a grown woman until she went downstairs - nice twist if that was intentional, and if not, it worked anyway. What a delightful change from my dark, dreary tales :) I really gotta take a lesson from you and 'lighten up.' Part of me wanted a little more conflict, but another part was just fine with it the way is is. Not much help in that matter, I'm afraid, but good story nonetheless. Nice dialog, and good descriptions of the settings as well. Well, I liked this story! I thought Mabel was a grown woman until she went downstairs - nice twist if that was intentional, and if not, it worked anyway. What a delightful change from my dark, dreary tales :) I really gotta take a lesson from you and ‘lighten up.’

Part of me wanted a little more conflict, but another part was just fine with it the way is is. Not much help in that matter, I’m afraid, but good story nonetheless. Nice dialog, and good descriptions of the settings as well.

]]> By: Skought http://www.52stories.net/issue-106/maybelle/comment-page-1/#comment-62 Skought Mon, 13 Aug 2007 15:51:41 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-106/maybelle/#comment-62 Easy to read, which I like. I really liked the way you were sprinkling in hints in the beginning of the piece. Easy to read, which I like.
I really liked the way you were sprinkling in hints in the beginning of the piece.

]]> By: drew http://www.52stories.net/issue-106/maybelle/comment-page-1/#comment-59 drew Sat, 11 Aug 2007 19:12:30 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-106/maybelle/#comment-59 <p>Very creative idea. Clever concept and good story. It starts a little slowly, though. A story as unusual as this should have piqued my curiosity right from the first paragraph.</p> <p>It's almost like you could have hooked us with the dilemma (the Tooth Fairy gets caught on her first night on the job!), then provided the background information, then come back to her conundrum and tied things up.</p> <p>I liked the dialog between Maybelle and the kids. And the descriptions of their room and actions are great. You write kids very well. Are you a parent?</p> <p>I think this story would be excellent if it got on its feet a sooner and moved a little quicker outside of the kids' room. But it's still a good effort.</p> <p>Nice story. :)</p> Very creative idea. Clever concept and good story. It starts a little slowly, though. A story as unusual as this should have piqued my curiosity right from the first paragraph.

It’s almost like you could have hooked us with the dilemma (the Tooth Fairy gets caught on her first night on the job!), then provided the background information, then come back to her conundrum and tied things up.

I liked the dialog between Maybelle and the kids. And the descriptions of their room and actions are great. You write kids very well. Are you a parent?

I think this story would be excellent if it got on its feet a sooner and moved a little quicker outside of the kids’ room. But it’s still a good effort.

Nice story. :)

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