Comments on: Cold http://www.52stories.net/issue-105/cold/ Every picture tells a story. What's yours? Fri, 04 Jul 2008 02:38:50 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3 By: Elizabeth http://www.52stories.net/issue-105/cold/#comment-69 Elizabeth Tue, 14 Aug 2007 19:48:01 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-105/cold/#comment-69 I enjoyed where this story ended up but would have liked a little more to it. Really good characters! I like how you can tell that the Chief is a good guy even though he doesn't go by the book! I enjoyed where this story ended up but would have liked a little more to it. Really good characters! I like how you can tell that the Chief is a good guy even though he doesn’t go by the book!

]]> By: James Warrenfeltz http://www.52stories.net/issue-105/cold/#comment-51 James Warrenfeltz Fri, 10 Aug 2007 23:27:10 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-105/cold/#comment-51 The dialog between the chief and the deputy was believable and humorous, and the touches with the coffee worked for me. The dialog between the chief and James didn't ring true to me, however. It seemed more like a skeleton of a conversation, like you started with an idea of what basic ideas you wanted conveyed in the scene, then only wrote them, without attention to the flesh of how people speak. Overall, though, the story was fast paced and kept my interest to the end. The dialog between the chief and the deputy was believable and humorous, and the touches with the coffee worked for me.

The dialog between the chief and James didn’t ring true to me, however. It seemed more like a skeleton of a conversation, like you started with an idea of what basic ideas you wanted conveyed in the scene, then only wrote them, without attention to the flesh of how people speak.

Overall, though, the story was fast paced and kept my interest to the end.

]]> By: Martha Cox http://www.52stories.net/issue-105/cold/#comment-39 Martha Cox Mon, 06 Aug 2007 05:18:37 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-105/cold/#comment-39 I loved the small-town Alaska setting and the sense that there is nothing to do around here. "Drink and fish. Drink and fish. Drink like a fish. Fish with a drink." Pretty funny. I also found the list of the night's events entertaining and enlightening for your setting. I agree that the ending came a little too fast. I liked Harry and like him more as a protective dad. His motivation to keep some dude old enough and smarmy enough to be drinking 5 beers for breakfast away from his sixteen-year-old is obvious, but it still would have been fun to read a little more lead-in to it. I just ran out of time on my 1.04 story and was cramming like crazy to finish at all, so I do sympathize! I enjoyed it! I loved the small-town Alaska setting and the sense that there is nothing to do around here. “Drink and fish. Drink and fish. Drink like a fish. Fish with a drink.” Pretty funny. I also found the list of the night’s events entertaining and enlightening for your setting. I agree that the ending came a little too fast. I liked Harry and like him more as a protective dad. His motivation to keep some dude old enough and smarmy enough to be drinking 5 beers for breakfast away from his sixteen-year-old is obvious, but it still would have been fun to read a little more lead-in to it. I just ran out of time on my 1.04 story and was cramming like crazy to finish at all, so I do sympathize! I enjoyed it!

]]> By: John Ribar http://www.52stories.net/issue-105/cold/#comment-36 John Ribar Sat, 04 Aug 2007 18:53:14 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-105/cold/#comment-36 I would agree with Tom if this was the first part of a longer story. But for a short, I think it was nicely done. A lot of back story placed in small pieces between the dialog. That is the way I like to read stories - it keeps the story light and in motion. End came along kind of quickly, though I don't have a specific solution or change. I would agree with Tom if this was the first part of a longer story. But for a short, I think it was nicely done. A lot of back story placed in small pieces between the dialog. That is the way I like to read stories - it keeps the story light and in motion.
End came along kind of quickly, though I don’t have a specific solution or change.

]]> By: Tom http://www.52stories.net/issue-105/cold/#comment-35 Tom Sat, 04 Aug 2007 16:50:18 +0000 http://www.52stories.net/issue-105/cold/#comment-35 Nice slice of life with some strong, believable dialog but I needed more physical descriptions of the characters, the atmosphere around the dock, the smells, sounds. I wanted to know what the police office looked like, what the boat looked like. The story was being carried almost exclusively on dialog, so if that was your intent it worked, but left me wanting more of my senses involved. Nice slice of life with some strong, believable dialog but I needed more physical descriptions of the characters, the atmosphere around the dock, the smells, sounds. I wanted to know what the police office looked like, what the boat looked like. The story was being carried almost exclusively on dialog, so if that was your intent it worked, but left me wanting more of my senses involved.

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